I’ve always been attracted to women of all ages, both younger and older than me. Of course when I was young it didn’t really matter because all women were either my age or older. As I aged, the more aware I became of the potential presented by older women, so that was all good. However at the same time, the range of possibilities with younger women kept getting wider along with the age difference. And this presents questions.
Imagining scenes involving people younger than me used to be just plain old fun. When I was 30, I had absolutely no qualms fantasizing about a 20-year old person. I’m not 30 anymore though, so my relationship with that age group has changed. I’m not what anyone would define as old, but let’s just say I’m getting older, and the stigma of the “dirty old man” is certainly something that’s on my mind. Will I automatically fall into that category because I’m “older” and I don’t mind appreciating the beauty of younger women? I really hope not.
A long time ago I developed fantasies that involved younger people with Cate and me. In one of them, a 20-year old woman comes to us looking to broaden her sexual experience. I used that fantasy regularly when I was closer to that age. Now I still imagine it sometimes, but my feelings about it are not quite the same. I’ve been wondering why.
First I thought that it might be because my kids are also growing up, and them getting closer to that age brings up moral questions. One way to easily think of it is the cliché of the old rich guy dating the beautiful young model. (Not that I’m rich.) Why are they together? Is it gross? Why do we care? The thing is, I find it hard to articulate why we do. And I’m not someone who is particularly hung up on principles, especially when everyone involved is a consenting adult and no one is getting hurt. So that seems like a societal judgment, not something that uniquely comes from me.
Then I thought that the age gap between me and such a young person keeps growing. When I was 30, it made sense for me to be attracted to a 20-year-old. But if I’m 50, the kinds of things that I look for in a woman have evolved, and maybe I’m not finding the same allure in someone who is 30 years younger than me. Sure, young bodies have their beauty—and I hope this not a cliché—but attraction to other factors become equally important over time, like experience, self-confidence, emotional maturity.
Maybe that’s where I am. I still fantasize about any and everyone, just not in the same way. Sex happens a lot between your ears. What people bring to sex varies over time, both in what we’re looking for and what we’re able to give.