I know I just restarted this blog but let’s get right in the thick of it, shall we.
I’m a man. Objectifying women is bad. I like looking at women. Ergo, how not to be that creep?
For as long as I can remember I have worried… Actually no that’s not strong enough, I’ve been scared that I might unknowingly do or say something that objectified a woman and she would get mad at me.
That may sound ridiculous. Especially in the light of the constant stream of stories of men who feel entitled to demean, bully and take advantage of women, including but in no way is limited to all of those who were rightfully tried on the public square via the Me Too movement.
But I’m serious. As a young man, I had trouble approaching women because of it. If there is any justice in this world, may this confession pull the average balance of decency ever so slightly back to a saner middle.
You know what my problem was? I didn’t understand what objectifying women really meant. It’s like systemic racism; I’m white and I unknowingly benefit from the system so I won’t know what racism really means unless 1) I accept that I could be part of the problem, and 2) I proactively seek to uncover where I contribute to racism. Similarly, I think it’s not immediately obvious to young men how they’re objectifying women when 1) they don’t have the maturity to consider that objectification might be sneaking into their world view, and 2) they are not actively working at understanding women.
I’m in my 50’s now so I’m by no means throwing only young dudes under the bus. I’m an equal opportunity people thrower. We grown-up men are also part of this.
Recognizing objectification is an important skill to have if we’re going to get better at not doing it. And I think we don’t talk about that enough.
As I’ve slowly become older and wiser (allegedly), I’d like to think I’ve gotten better at knowing the difference between looking and seeing. Let’s take a random example. It’s one thing to look at a woman’s elbow and find it hot as hell. It’s a better thing to see she has a complete set of body parts, with a lovely brain to boot, and be interested in knowing more about her. It’s about the whole person, see.
So yeah, you maaaay be objectifying her if you like looking at her ass and the rest of her doesn’t matter. Especially if you’re not in the least interested by what she thinks and what she’s done to get to where she is. Just sayin’.
If you’re not sure, Stark Raving has a cool checklist of what to look for in your behavior to start becoming aware of where objectification sneaks into your male gaze.